Heartache & Hope

It has been 5 months since I last kissed my sweet boys.  Five months since I last felt the weight of their arms wrapped around my neck.  I miss their sweet little giggles, their tiny fingers intertwined with mine, their flying hugs – I miss EVERYTHING about being around them. I have missed multiple holidays, birthdays and countless opportunities to just be their mama during these last 151 days.  My heart aches for them every single day.

I was doing pretty good up until we hit the 4 month mark.  Since then, I have been morphing into a total hot mess.  Some days it’s all I can do to just make it out of work and to my car before the tears fall.  Most of my evenings are spent pleading with God to get me back to my boys.  In my weakness I am tempted to be angry with God.  Thankfully I have been reminded that God loves them more than I ever could.  While that is hard to imagine, I know it to be true.  And I know He has His loving arms wrapped around my boys. They are His after all.  There is peace in knowing that, but it doesn’t alleviate the sting of the separation. 

While I don’t understand why getting back to them is taking so long, I do know that God is using this wait to mold me into the mother I need to be for these boys.  I have faith in His plans for our family.  God grants me new mercies and new strength every day so I can get through this.  I know that every night when my head hits my pillow I am one day closer to being reunited with my sweet boys.

We have had some good news recently.  Just last Thursday we had to complete a new Power of Attorney form.  It finally feels like things are moving forward again.  I have asked some of my adoptive mommy friends that have gone before me about their timelines.  It seems that the average is 2-4 weeks between the POA form and receiving travel dates.   So, I am hopeful that we will hear something soon.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support.  We appreciate you all so much!

Psalm 71:14  As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.