I have been having a major case of the “what-ifs” lately.
Adoption is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it is also crazy, unpredictable, scary, messy, emotional, and inevitably makes you ask yourself: “What the heck am I doing?”
Sometimes it’s all too easy to get caught up in the fears of adoption.
What if our child’s needs are more than we were expecting? What if our child doesn’t attach or bond with us? What if our child doesn’t love us? What if they hate us for taking them away from their country? What if they hate us just because? What if I don’t have the abilities to parent this child? What if we can't save enough money? Or worst of all…what if we don’t ever get a referral? What if, what if, what if?!?!
I don’t have the answers to any of my “what-ifs”, but there is someone who does. God does! I don’t know what my child’s needs are. God does, and I have faith that He will not give my family more than we can handle. I don’t know if our child will attach to us, bond with us or even love us. God does, and I have faith that He will fill our home with happiness and love. I don’t know if my child will hate me someday. God does, and I have faith that He will guide me through that. I have no idea if I have the ability to parent this child. God does, and I have faith that He is preparing me to be the best mother that I can be to this child. I don't know how we are going to find the rest of the money to complete the adoption. God does, and I have faith that He will provide all that we need as he has done thus far. I don’t know for sure that we will get a referral. God does, and I have faith that He will be there to help me pick up the pieces if we don’t.
The outcome of our adoption journey is already known by Him. There is nothing I can do or say that will change anything. As a control freak, that is a tough pill to swallow, but true nonetheless. I find peace in knowing that this is God’s plan for me, not my own. That is so awesome because his plans always turn out so much better than mine do! I know that God is ever faithful and I will cling to Him as I push through my fears and focus on the love, hope and beauty of this journey. I have faith that soon I will come to know my child.
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)